The Presidents Of The United States Of America - Kitty/Killers - Read My Mind
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I'm just baffled right now. Just baffled. No wonder humans have spent thousands of years exploring the human mind and have come up with more theories and speculation than anything concrete. People in general just don't make sense. The way people can switch between two polar opposite personality traits, like maturity and immaturity or understanding and ignorance, at the flip of a switch is just incomprehensible. Everyone wants to think they know what is best for themselves and that they are right and in control and know what is going on. Sometimes you just have to shut the fuck up, take a chill pill, and listen. All of this is very ironic, because all the people who need to hear it won't listen, and all the people who will listen don't need to hear it. Which leads me to conclude this paragraph.
If I could give one piece of advice to someone else, it would probably be to not give too much of yourself to more than about two or three people, because any more than that and you're going to just get hurt. Even then, you have to figure out who those people are. I think deep down we know perfectly well who they are, but we latch onto who we want it to be and pour ourselves into them just in time for them to jump out of our lives. Gut instincts are usually pretty dead on though, which surprises me, because I would venture to say that most people don't follow them as much as they should, myself included. I hate to say something against trusting people because I'm so trusting with people. I'll tell people I've just met all about my life if they are kind enough to ask. I guess it's kind of pathetic, latching onto someone like that, but I really do want to believe in people, but I can think of more instances than I care to remember where stuff like that has just come back like a slap in the face. Human nature tends to lead us to be either very open or very closed, and both are weaknesses. Balancing something like that is impossible, so it's better to find a human vault or two and just lock everything up in them. Let me know if you find a good one.
If someone were to ask me who my friends were right now, I'd probably just fake laugh and walk away. I feel pretty damn alone. There's a few people, but scrolling through my phone book and having a reason not to call almost everyone is depressing. I don't think anyone should ever have to suffer being alone. Everyone, no matter what, deserves at least one person. Everyone needs someone.
I'm a people person, and everyone has given up on me. This greatly discourages me, but you have to have faith in yourself first. Everything else will follow. You have to prove them wrong.
Camp Ben is good. It gives me a chance to get away and just find myself. I don't have any obligations toward anyone until next week. It's just kinda sad that I can't call the usual people to come hang out with me.
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." -Albert Einstein
So prom was fun. My tux looked awesome and I got to dance my ass off. Afterwards was pretty good too. Some people went up a few notches, some down, but everything was alright.
Damn, I am about to graduate from Bowie High School. It's so weird to see how much I've changed. Even from this past summer, my friends have changed, including the really important ones. Oh well, I guess it's bound to happen. Life is crazy like that.
I never update this, but I thought I should poke my head in. Life is alright, except for this whole broken ankle thing. Walking is quickly becoming one of my least favorite things to do. And I really could use a best friend right now. I have a lot of friends, but I need a friend to talk to and confide in and who will be there for me and such. Everyone needs a best friend.
Life after school is pretty boring without theatre. At least I'm getting back to reading books. And One-Acts are coming to save me! (I hope)
I get to see Guster on the 6th and Muse on the 16th. Two of my favorite bands in 10 days! I'm really excited.
April 1st I'll finally be able to determine my future. Thank goodness.
Rap music never ceases to make me feel better. My inner black person needs to come out more often. Speaking of that, I'm really sick of those people who make you feel awkward to be yourself. You know the ones who act like you're just stupid and judge everything you do? Yeah.
Never ceases to amaze me how completely rude people can be, especially right to your face. I'm surrounded by people who are just wells of immaturity. I know I'm no spokesperson for being mature, but some people just seem to think degrading people and making mountains out of molehills and petty differences is so worth it. Peace and harmony is just beyond some people. Thriving on drama is no way to live.
I'm trimming off dead weight, but there's just a handful that I can't decide if I want to stay with me or let them go. If I could sort that out, I think I'd be okay.
PAL selection day tomorrow. Should be exciting, and a nice break from school.
I want to just drive somewhere for a day. Randomly. Spring Break looks good.
Birthday was fun. I have yet to exercise my 18 powers, but I am registered to vote. Got some cool things, had a good time with friends. All in all a great couple of days.
I need a change. Everything feels so stagnant in my life right now. Whether it be back to the old or onto the new, I need a change.
It's funny how everyone is so nice to you on your birthday, but after they go right back to before, which is asshole for an increasing amount of people. I'm finding out really fast who my real friends are.
Bowie Idol is this Saturday night at 7:00 and I will be performing stand-up comedy and with the Mainstreet Men (BSB spoof) if you'd like to come see either act. Here's my Mr. Bulldog routine in case you missed it:
I'm tired of people. I'm tired of people not listening to me. I'm tired of people not taking the blame for what they have done. I'm tired of people stitting there and bitching instead of doing something about it. I'm tired of being angry all the time.
Being stubborn sucks, but I can't give in this time. I give in every damn time, but this time I have to make people either see it's worth or throw it away.
Hey birthday in two. That always makes things better, right?
So on the same day I get accepted to UT, Rice tells me "The final decision on your application has been deferred to the Regular Decision plan. We would like to consider your request for admission within the context of the whole applicant pool. We take seriously your choice to apply under Interim Decision to Rice and regret the disappointment you must feel." Thanks. Now I get to wait until April 1st to know if I'm accepted or not. At least I'm going to college...
I want to go back to a little over a year ago. Everything was static then, but it was at a very good point in time. Everything was secure and I was so sure everything was right and where it was supposed to be. Now, I wake up and wonder if certain people are going to act like they like me or hate me today, because it changes daily. I didn't have to endure a different emotional struggle everyday then. My friends really were my friends and they stuck by me. All the people I was close to then are all but gone now. Maybe things will get better when I move on from high school and leave some of my memories behind, because those are what hurt the most. I'll make it the final 3 months. Just strap on that fake smile and keep walking...
I've always wanted to sprint across the Austin Cemetery at midnight to see if I really do get tripped. Yay tonight!
irony - jamming out and singing "I CAN'T GET NO SATISFACTION!" at the top of your lungs as you pass the gas station where you filled up a day or so ago for 2.07. It's now 1.99
Chicago rocked out. I loved it. Big, big shoutout to everyone who was in it. You made it the show it was, and we had a blast. I will miss the show and all of you. I even miss Billy Flynn. And the cast party rocked too. I have no voice today I sang so loud.
I'm doing Mr. Bulldog this Saturday. Come see it if you wanna see Ashley Harrison, Spencer Rutledge, and myself dance to Sexy Back and maybe hear some funny jokes.
My dream last night was so real that only about 5 minutes ago did I realize it wasn't a dream. I hate when that happens because I usually wish it wasn't a dream.
I love Casey. He introduces me to new rap and makes me feel appreciated. I love giving out Christmas presents early and making people feel happy and appreciated. I love saving lives from hobo toilet users. I love my friends.
I'm tired of all these veils around everything. I feel like everyone is hiding something from me. Life is just so much easier when everyone is honest about how they feel and what they think. Miscommunication causes at least 70-80% of the problems around me.
I'm a subscriber to Mr. Ellerbrock's theory of how everything works like a pendulum. I can only be happy for so long...
I finally got the freaking Roots Down Below CD I ordered over a month ago. I'm so happy right now. They're an amazing band from up in Massachusetts. If you want a preview, just let me know.
So this girl Lyndsay didn't show up for work today. Which means I got to really wait tables for the first time. On a Sunday. A RIDICULOUSLY BUSY Sunday. Val showed up to help me though, and I only fucked up like twice and neither was that bad. Now I'm pretty much a waiter.
Yes I have a Wii and I play with it all the time. Everyone else plays with my Wii too and they love it. I beat Zelda on my Wii last night.
Hope everyone had a great and meaningful Thanksgiving. If you didn't, hop on the Mayflower Part Deux and go back to Pilgrim Island.
It's done. I just sent off the final part of my Rice Application. I better get accepted there, because I've pretty much fucked myself at UT since the scholarship deadline is Friday and I haven't even finished my application. Hopefully I'll be able to pull it out. The other three schools I'm applying to I don't feel like I have as well of a shot at, so here's hoping my essay was good and the people at Rice want to see me down there next year.
Knowing what you want is so much easier when you know how everyone else feels about it. That way, you don't end up wanting what you can't have.
Everyone's throwing me curves. You know I can't hit curves.
Ima go jam out and blow an eardrum/vocal chord. Peace.
What a beautiful concidence. The same day that I learn something that makes me lose a huge chunk of respect for someone I care about very much, I get to do a historical run-through and get some of those bad feelings out. Now I'm not so upset or nauseous.
I came home and fell asleep for about two hours and then woke up, feeling like it's Wednesday morning. It still feels that way, but since it's not true, I feel very disconnected from everything. It's funny how clear eveything becomes when you can't see the obstacles in your way.
I felt really good about auditions today. Everyone keeps divining my future, but I can't buy into it or I'm afraid I'll get disappointed. We'll see on Friday.
You ever get the feeling that the way you feel about something is somehow reciprocated by other people, and even though you sense it, you dare not speak about it to them, because your feelings could be wrong, but you have the inclination that they feel the same way and are in the same quandry? So you keep going on about life as this unnatural vow of silence continues, trying to find someway to break the ice, but instead, you end up wondering about things to the point of madness, when it would be such much easier if people could just be open and honest and not worry about what bad might come of it, but instead think of the greater good. I hate that feeling.
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